To Pregnancy and Beyond… My Pregnancy In a Nutshell

Being pregnant is like living in a world full of conundrums. On one hand you want to be pregnant forever because that special bond that you have with you little one is indescribable and amazing. On the other hand you are just ready for it to be over so you can meet your special little person already!!  When you get to feel those first few kicks and you aren’t even sure if that is what they really are because it just feels like little butterflies have taken refuge inside of your belly, it is so incredible. Those precious few weeks before those little kicks get strong, and start to feel like your baby is attending kickboxing lessons, are some of the best moments. You truly develop this wonderful connection, like you two are sharing this secret that no one else knows about. It was one of my favorite times in pregnancy because it truly just felt so intimate. As time goes on and your bump becomes more prominent and the symptoms of your pregnancy change, goodbye nausea and vomiting hello heartburn, your private special moments become less private and much more visible. I still remember sitting at work charting next to a coworker and her chuckling at my little man kicking his foot out and very clearly seeing his toes popping out of my stomach.

Then  you get to the phase in your pregnancy where just pure excitement kicks in . You want to meet them, you don’t want to rush anything but all the curiosity just gets to you. What color eyes will they have, what color hair, will they have grandmas nose, grandpas toes? Then again as time inches its way closer to due date time your motherly neuroses kick in and all these crazy, and yes you know they are crazy thank you, thoughts just come fleeting into your mind like tidal waves hitting the shore line. What if the cord is around his neck, how many times a day is he moving, did he move just then ….. did he !!! I remember pushing so hard on my stomach one day because I swore he didn’t move for hours, in reality it was probably like 30 minutes, and him giving me this really big kick and did this whole shift like he was saying lady leave me alone I am sleeping here.

If you are some of the lucky ones you get to that glorious moment … your due date. That thing you have been waiting 10 long months for. Or some of you may be like me and hit your date and then slowly watch as the days go by and go by and go by. I recently saw a Moana parody about being past your due date and it was so spot on. A few days can feel like an eternity and as your anticipation gets higher every little thing seems like its a sign telling you ok this is it, its going to happen , uh no just gas. At 42 weeks, and going to the hospital to do scans for babies safety every other day, my doctor finally said ok time to induce. I was filled with a surge of emotions. I had been waiting for this moment for what seemed like forever and now that the moment was here I was suddenly terrified. It is always the unknown that freaks you out. Its the abyss that is uncertainty that can seem so terrifying. I thought of everything under the sun, especially since I work in healthcare, that could go wrong and that could go right. I thought of all the things I didn’t want to happen and all the things I did. Who I wanted in the room and who I didn’t. Well you know what they say about the best laid plans……

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